


Wanted: An English Rose for 4 Derry Thorns

by whitecrossgirl



Category: Derry Girls (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Gen, James goes back to London AU, rated T for Michelle's swearing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-22
Updated: 2021-03-03
Packaged: 2021-03-12 08:21:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,896
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29631771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/whitecrossgirl/pseuds/whitecrossgirl
Summary: Season 2 AU. James goes back to London with Kathy, leaving the girls brokenhearted and devastated by the loss of Their James. But has James made the right choice in returning to London or was Derry the home he was looking for all along?
Comments: 57
Kudos: 22





	1. 30th November 1995

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first Derry Girls fic. I really hope you enjoy it. I'm from Armagh so some of the slang might not be accurate to Derry.

He had gone.

He had really gone. 

Those were the only thoughts in the girls’ heads as they watched President Clinton take the stage. His words washed over them as they turned around at different intervals. All of them wishing that James would appear; either up on the walls or ducking through the crowd towards them. But he didn’t. Because he had gone. He had left Derry, left them and he was never coming back.

“I can’t be here,” Michelle said finally as she wove through the crowd. She would deny it to her dying day but they could all see the tears in her eyes. Michelle never cried and she certainty never cried over her dickhead English prick cousin. 

“Michelle,” Clare said gently as they stood under the wall. All of them hugged each other and walked away. The streets in Derry were all but deserted; it felt like everyone was either watching the President’s speech or was in their homes watching it on TV. Only everyone wasn’t. James wasn’t. He wasn’t here, he had gone home, fucked off back to London, like the past year didn’t matter; like they didn’t matter. 

“I thought he’d stay.” Orla said sadly as tears slipped down her cheeks. Erin linked arms with her and let Orla rest her head on her shoulder.

“I didn’t realise he hated Derry so much. I thought he really did like it here.” Erin admitted, she knew her heart wasn’t just breaking over losing a friend but now was not the time for those thoughts. She’d vent them in her second secret journal later; the one she started after Orla had stolen her other one. 

“He did, it’s all Kathy’s fault. Stupid bitch always was selfish.” Michelle burst out. She used to look up to Kathy; idolised her cool, rebellious Aunt who lived her life by her own rules. Only ever since she dumped James in Derry; Michelle finally understood why Deirdre warned her about Kathy. Michelle liked to think that she would never be that selfish to dump her kid in a random city with relatives he barely knew. 

“She is his mum,” Clare reasoned, always trying to see both sides. “Maybe he just wants to be with her.”

“She might be his mum but what kind of Ma does that to her own child? Look, he’s made his choice but he’ll see it’s the wrong one.” Michelle insisted. She had warned him of as much, told James about what Kathy was really like, even if it had fallen onto deaf ears. Short of going to the airport and physically dragging him from the plane, there was nothing else they could do. 

“Couldn’t we go to London too?” Orla asked innocently. None of them answered. Ideally, if they could then they would but for once, practicality took over. Aside from the fact that Clare and Orla didn’t have a passport; they also didn’t have the money for four last minute flights to London. Plus they didn’t know where in London James lived. Michelle and her parents had only gone to London to visit James once, when he was seven and making his First Holy Communion. Any other visits were done by Kathy coming to Derry and complaining the whole time. 

“Let’s just go home,” Erin said and led the way back to her house. Michelle and Clare’s parents were working and although Erin didn’t want to admit it; right now, she really wanted to speak to her mum. 

  
  


“He’s a lovely man, isn’t he?” Sarah reflected as she and Mary watched the television. Joe was balancing Anna on his knee as Gerry made them tea. 

“Indeed, he is, wonder if we’ll see the girls.” Mary said, hoping for once that the girls managed to behave themselves. If they made a holy show of themselves in front of Bill and Hilary… Mary looked up as the door opened and shut.

“Did you leave the door unlocked, you stupid bollix?” Joe snapped at Gerry who ignored him. 

“It’s us Granda,” Erin replied and Mary knew immediately that something was wrong. It wasn’t just that they were home while the speech was still going on but Erin didn’t sound like they’d gotten into trouble. She sounded upset. The four girls walked into the living room and stood silently. Four. Four girls. And no boy.

“Where’s James?” Mary asked as Orla and Clare wiped their eyes and Michelle steeled herself; trying to appear tough and unbothered by James’ departure. 

“He’s gone. Fucked off back to London with Kathy to help her with her fucking stickers.” Michelle burst out and for once, Mary didn’t scold her on her language. 

“Oh girls, I’m sorry.” Mary said as behind her, Gerry refilled the kettle and got the good biscuits out of the cupboard. He knew her so well that she didn’t even have to ask. Besides, a good cup of tea always helped. 

“Nothing but trouble, her and her eyebrows.” Sarah remarked darkly as she walked over and rubbed Orla’s shoulder. “It’s alright Pet.”

“I don’t understand why he left,” Orla explained as Gerry set the cups down in front of them. Joe set Anna down with her toys and joined them.

“He probably thought it was the right thing to do.” Mary explained. “She’s his mother and we might not like it, or her, but she does still have a say on where he lives.”

“But she left him here. He shouldn’t be in London, he belongs here, with us.” Clare insisted. “We’re his family too.”

“Not rea-” Gerry began but a glare from Joe cut him off. “I know he’s your friend and you care a lot about him but it doesn’t mean that you’ll never see him again.”

“It won’t be the same,” Erin pointed out, knowing how childish her words sounded, even if they were true. James was a part of the group; one of their best friends. He was their voice of reason, the one semi-calm influence on them. He was the one who helped Clare come out and bought the rainbow badges they never took off; accepted Orla and all her weird little Orla-comments; who got Michelle home and sober before Deirdre found out; he took her to prom and pulled her back down to earth when she was getting carried away. He wasn’t just a friend. He was James. 

He was  _ Their  _ James. 

“I know Love, but it is what it is.” Mary said sadly as Michelle flicked the cup with her fingernails. In less than a day, Kathy had turned everything on its head. When she arrived back to Derry; she never said a word about leaving and definitely not about James leaving with her. Michelle racked her brains but couldn’t recall if her parents or Kathy had even mentioned it; but she was so excited about skiving school to watch President Clinton that she hadn’t even considered anything else. She should have listened. 

It was a somber mood in the Quinn household and even when Michelle and Clare left to go home; it hadn’t changed. As Michelle walked down the darkened streets, illuminated only by the overheard street lights, she couldn’t help but glance up at the blackened sky. She knew she wouldn’t see a plane and that James’ flight had probably landed hours ago but nevertheless she looked up. And all she could wonder was why had James left? Maybe it was her fault. She wasn’t exactly the best cousin in the world. Every other word she directed at James was an insult and even though they hung out in the same friend group; she’d always made it clear that he annoyed her. 

Only, he never was that annoying. Sure his accent got on her nerves but aside from that; James wasn’t a pain. He didn’t leave a mess or hogged the bathroom. He didn’t blast music or tell tales to her parents about the trouble she caused. If he wasn’t her cousin, he was someone she would want as a friend. Maybe if she had been a little bit nicer, or didn’t insult him as much. Maybe he would have stayed. Maybe he’d be here right now and they’d be talking about the president’s speech or trying to get some food from Fionnaula’s, lifetime ban be damned. Maybe they’d all have spent the day laughing and feeling happy. Maybe… 

Or maybe he really did hate living in Derry and was happy to be away. 

Michelle wiped her face and cursed the constant Derry rain as she glanced up at the sky again. The last thing she needed was for the rain to start pissing down.

Only it wasn’t raining at all. 


	2. December 1st 1995

“Where’s James?”

Every time the question was asked, it was like another stab in the chest. Even before Mr Lynch took the register, they had been asked several times about where James was. Mallie Dunne was meant to be helping him with his History coursework, Aine Walsh usually sat next to him in Science and Jenny Joyce just couldn’t keep her nose out of people’s business. So they had asked and the gang found themselves struggling to answer. 

Michelle’s first instinct was to lie but even she knew the lie would only last until Monday when the questions would start again. Clare’s eyes watered and she looked for the others to answer. Orla dropped her gaze to her homework diary that she was covering in doodles and Erin twisted her fingers together, hoping she wouldn’t have to answer.

“He’s gone back to England, Sir.” Michelle said and some of the girls, who clearly thought it was a joke sniggered. It hadn’t helped that Michelle had also claimed that every time that James had been off sick.

“Very funny Michelle, where is he?” Mr Lynch, their ancient, boring form teacher asked. 

“She’s telling the truth, Sir.” Erin spoke up. “His ma came back from London and they went yesterday.”

Michelle rummaged in her school bag and produced the letter that her mother had written, advising that James should be withdrawn from Our Lady’s Immaculate. As usual, Kathy had left Michelle’s parents to clean up her mess. She had had to listen to Deirdre and Martin rage about it all last night. How Kathy had just absconded (again) and taken James with her. How there had been no mention or plans with them. How Kathy hadn’t even thanked them for looking after James or how she hadn’t called or written. Not once, until she turned up on the doorstep; had Kathy even asked about James; which even if he hadn’t been at a daily risk of getting his head kicked in was unbelievable. Michelle had sat on the stairs and listened to her parents shout and rage. They were vocalising all the thoughts that were in her head; all except for the ones that blamed her for James leaving. 

Mr Lynch scanned the letter and looked at Michelle seriously. “You’d better take this letter to the office Michelle.”

Michelle nodded and left the classroom. The rest of the girls exchanged a look as Mr Lynch continued with the register and Aisling leaned across her desk to Clare. 

“Has he really gone?” Aisling asked and Clare nodded. Aisling looked at them sympathetically. “That’s a shame, he’s a nice lad.”

“Yeah, he’s cracker,” Orla agreed without looking up. Only it wasn’t cracker that he’d left them. Michelle returned to class just as they finished the morning prayer and together, they walked towards the English department. However as soon as they left, some of their classmates began bombarding them with questions. Why had James left? Did they know he was leaving? Why didn’t he say that he was leaving? James hadn’t been the most popular member of the class and he wasn’t the best looking but the girls had a shared liking of him. He was just James, slightly odd, always polite James. 

“Look, he’s fucked off back to London with his Ma. I don’t know if he’s coming back so can we just stop talking about it for fuck’s sake!” Michelle finally snapped at the end of the corridor. 

“Shall we try that again Miss Mallon?” Sister Michael asked sardonically as Michelle turned around. 

“I gave the letter to the office,” Michelle explained. “They said they’d tell you.”

“Very well, at least try to keep the swearing to a minimum.” Sister Michael advised as she walked past them down the corridor. The girls continued walking to class but somehow the crowded corridors seemed quieter today. Even though James didn’t speak much, his presence was something they had become accustomed to. It wasn’t the same without James beside them, either bickering with Michelle or discussing homework with Clare and Erin or smiling at whatever random comment Orla came out with. 

Somehow, despite all the awkward and challenging days they had had at school; none of them had felt as terrible as this. All day there was an emptiness that seemed to follow them around; there was an empty seat in the classroom, a gap between them at lunch, a disjointed feeling. None of the lessons were worth any attention, nothing the teachers said sunk in. There was no gossip or scandal worth discussing; aside from the news getting around school that James had left, which of course, none of them wanted to talk about. There was no craic to be had; nothing was funny or interesting. It was like the life and soul had been torn away from them. They were incomplete. A part of them was missing.

A part called James. 

By the time school finally ended, the girls got the bus to Erin’s. Michelle didn’t want to go home to an empty house and Clare wasn’t ready to be by herself. As soon as they walked in, they could tell that Mary had been waiting for them to come home. The TV was off and Anna was chattering to herself as she played with her blocks. Mary was fidgeting with the washing, instead of folding it and she looked up at the girls as they walked in. 

“How was school?” Mary asked gently as they dropped their bags on the floor and slumped at the table. 

“Awful,” Erin replied. “Everyone kept asking where James was and why had he left.”

“Aye, they wouldn’t stop.” Orla added. “Aunt Mary, why couldn’t you go to London and get him back?”

“Because it’s technically kidnap,” Mary explained. “Look girls, you know how I feel about Kathy, I’ll not dress it up but you can still write to James and phone him.”

“No we can’t. My ma got rid of the phone and Kathy wouldn’t tell us where she lived or what their new number is. I heard my ma and da ragin’ about it last night.” Michelle explained as Mary looked at them sympathetically. Until James got into contact with them, it seemed they wouldn’t be able to reach him. 

“I’m sorry girls, honestly, he’s a lovely wee lad. He’ll be missed.” Mary said as Clare wiped her eyes.

“He’s not dead,” Clare said; although the way everyone treated them and indeed the way they were acting; it almost felt like a bereavement. Aside from wanting to know all the juicy details, the other girls had been almost too kind to them. Even Jenny hadn’t reacted in her usual way when Michelle told her to piss off after she offered to be James’ penpal. It was as if everyone thought the girls would shatter if his name was even mentioned. 

“I didn’t say he was Love. Look, why don’t you stay for tea? Gerry’s bringing food from that new Indian place.” Mary offered and Michelle stood.

“I actually need to get home, Ma’s due home and we need to sort through James’ crap.” Michelle explained. “I’ll see yas later.”

It wasn’t a lie but Michelle also couldn’t bear to be in Erin’s without James. That had been their thing. Friday night sleepovers at Erin’s with food that Mary had ordered and a few sneaky drinks from the bottle she had slipped in her bag that Macca got her from the off license. As Michelle walked home, she lit a cigarette and stuffed the packet back into her bag. She knew her ma knew that she smoked; Michelle could fake being sober or have James sober her up but no amount of perfume, mouthwash or gloves could hide the smell. They had the unspoken agreement that as long as she didn’t do it in the house then Deirdre wouldn’t tell her dad. As Michelle reached her house, she dropped the end of the cigarette onto the street and ground it under her heel. Deirdre’s car was already parked outside the house but she knew her da wouldn’t be home for another hour. 

“Home Ma!” Michelle called as she opened the front door. 

“I’m up here,” Deirdre called from James’ room. Really it was Ryan’s old room but last summer Kathy had insisted on having the spare room and by the time she left, James was settled in Ryan’s room. Michelle lingered in the doorway, trying to spot the different bits and pieces that would have belonged to James. 

“Has there been any word from Kathy?” Michelle asked and Deirdre gave a derisive snort. “Thought so.”

“Did you give that letter to the school?” Deirdre asked as she picked James’ blazer off the floor. Michelle took a small comfort in the fact that the rainbow badge that was usually on the label had been taken off. She hoped that meant he took it with him. 

“Yeah, they said they’d ring if they needed anything.” Michelle replied. Her family wasn't like Erin’s; where they were open and talked about their feelings. It just wasn’t done in the Mallon house. They loved one another, obviously but they didn’t waste time with words. They dealt with shit and got on with it. “I don’t get it Ma, why did he go?”

Deirdre sighed heavily and sat on the edge of the bed. “Look Michelle, I’ve bitten my tongue around you because I didn’t want James to hear what I really thought. She’s my sister but by God, she is the most selfish bitch I ever met. Everything had to be about Kathy and everyone had to pay attention to Kathy. Between you and me, James went with her because she knows that no matter what shit she puts him through, he’ll love her.”

“But that’s stupid,” Michelle said. “If you did that, I’d hate you.”

“Yeah and I’d expect you to. Look, James isn’t like the rest of us; he’s sweet and the problem with sweet people is that they don’t know they’re being taken advantage of.” Deirdre explained. She had argued with Kathy for hours about keeping James in Derry. He was settled, was doing quite well in school (various incidents aside) and he actually seemed happy and a bit more outgoing. Instead of the shy, withdrawn boy who landed on her doorstep a year and a half ago. Kathy had had the nerve to play the mother card, insisting that she knew best. Deirdre had wanted to smack the smug look off her face. 

“Do you think we’ll see him again? What about Granny and Granda?” Michelle asked. Granny and Granda had loved having James around and the aul pair had been doting on James, which meant they finally gave Michelle’s head some peace for once. She didn’t want to have to be the one to tell them that he’d gone back to London. 

“I don’t know. Now, we need to put his stuff into the attic, so get changed out of that uniform and help me sort it out.” Deirdre ordered and Michelle knew the conversation was over. Ten minutes later she had changed and was helping Deirdre box up James’ stuff. Most of his clothes had been taken back with him but most of his school books, toiletries and CDs had been left behind. 

Michelle looked at the pinboard that was propped up against the desk. It had been stripped bare with random dots marking where the pins had been placed. She wondered what James had decided was special enough to be placed there and to be taken back with them. Whatever it was, she hoped it meant he would remember them. 


	3. James' huge mistake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> James' POV about returning to London. This was a tricky and interesting chapter to write and honestly, the feedback and support I have gotten is just amazing

He had made a terrible mistake.

It took two weeks for James to admit it to himself but once he had, it was stuck in his mind. The first few days back in London had been great. They had a new flat in Islington which was quite a bit away from their old home in Lewisham. He had been enrolled in a mixed Catholic school and for a few days; Kathy tried. She feigned interest in stories about his life in Derry but James knew it wasn’t real. 

After those first few days however, he noticed behaviours that Kathy had shown before the divorce. The long ‘business dinners’ and phone conversations; not acknowledging or talking to him about how he was settling into school or if he was going anywhere on the weekends. It was a sharp contrast to Aunt Deirdre and Mary who seemed to know their plans before they even made their plans. Instead of a home cooked meal, he was making himself beans on toast as he wondered where his mother was this time. 

He had missed London but it wasn’t the same as he remembered. It was too busy, too crowded and there was more of a smell of pollution in the air. Although it was a relief to not see armed soldiers and police on every street and being able to get the bus to school without worrying it would be stopped and searched; somehow, it just didn’t feel the same. There was a sense of community in Derry that had scared him when he first arrived but there was a comfort of being known as ‘Deirdre’s nephew’ or ‘Michelle’s cousin’. In London, he was just another face, someone to bump shoulders against on the Tube, a random person in a crowd. He thought he wanted to be invisible again but it didn’t feel right. 

James wasn’t sure about his new school. It felt odd going to school with boys again and most of the boys in his class were too interested in hearing about his experiences at an all girls’ school, trying to boast and claim that if they had been him, they’d have shagged half the school. The girls tended to ignore him and none of the lessons seemed right. It felt weird having actual teachers instead of nuns and although it was a Catholic school; it was rare for any prayers to be heard or said. It felt like everything was slightly skewed; similar to what he knew but too different to be comfortable. 

More than once, on the evenings that he was left home alone, he was tempted to pick up the phone and call Michelle or Erin or Clare but he never could. He knew it was his pride stopping him. He didn’t want them to know that Michelle had been right. That Kathy had let him down again, that she  had only wanted him to help with the business, that he had made a massive mistake leaving Derry. Michelle was right. He was a Derry Girl. A Derry Girl who had fucked up. 

Two weeks after he returned to London, James took himself into the city. Kathy was sleeping off a ‘business dinner’ and he didn’t want to be around when her ‘associate’ stumbled out of her bedroom. Before the divorce, he would sometimes play tourist, going into the centre of London and wandering around the tourist attractions. It was his own form of escapism, people came from all over the world to see London; only now as he walked around it, all he could think of was his friends. 

He knew Orla would love seeing Big Ben and hearing the bells chime. He could imagine Erin’s delight at shopping in Covent Garden, even if the stuff was far too expensive to buy. He could almost hear Michelle insisting that they explore the sex shops in Soho and Clare wanting to take as many photos as possible in order to remember everything. As he walked through the packed streets, James decided to send them some Christmas presents and began looking for some ideas.

Although Kathy hadn’t spent much time with him, she had thrown money at him. An increase in dinner money and pocket money than what he had before. Even though he brought his own lunch and didn’t have much to spend it on. James wandered into a souvenir shop; the kind he’d always dismissed as a tourist trap and looked around for some ideas. He hoped the girls would take the gifts to mean he was thinking of them, not that he was rubbing it in their faces that he was gone. 

What he really wanted to buy was a plane ticket even though he knew that wasn’t an option. 

James settled on a set of shot glasses with pictures of red double decker buses and phone boxes for Michelle. He chose a Sherlock Holmes inspired notebook for Erin. A tin of fudge decorated like Big Ben for Orla and a snow globe for Clare. He also picked out two sets of tins with tea bags for Aunt Deirdre and Mary, as well as a small teddy for Anna. He knew it wasn’t much, but it was better than nothing.

That evening, James wrapped the gifts, taking care to wrap Clare’s extra tight so that the snow globe wouldn’t break and wrote their names on each one. He wanted to write them all an individual letter but found that he had no idea what to say. Instead he wrote his address on a piece of paper and slipped it into the box. James knew he would have to post it after school on Monday but he was determined to do it. He only hoped the package would reach them in time for Christmas. 

Days passed and just before Christmas, a thick envelope arrived in the post. Kathy set it aside for James and when he got home from school to an empty flat. James walked into his bedroom and tore open the envelope. Inside were four folded pieces of paper. James reached for the first one and unfolded it.

_ Dear James _

_ I hope everything’s going OK for you in London. Things in Derry aren’t the same without you. Everyone’s a lot quieter and we all really miss you. Even Michelle misses you. I love the snow globe that you sent me, I put it on my desk and when I get stressed doing my homework, it helps calm me down. Maybe someday we could all come to London and see you? Or you could come back to Derry and see us? Michelle said that you took your rainbow badges with you. That really means a lot. I hope you think of us every time you wear them. I'll never forget how supportive you were of me when I came out. If I hadn't had your support, I wouldn't have coped. _

_ I really, really miss you. _

_ Clare xxx _

James smiled at the letter and set it aside, unfolding the second one. In lieu of a letter, Orla had drawn a picture of the five of them. Her art skills had come a long way and it both warmed and broke his heart to see the image of them all looking so happy. There had been happy times in Derry. More than he thought at the time. The third letter was written on decorated paper, he recognised from one of Erin’s notebooks.

_ Dear James _

_ This is really hard to write. I know you are probably really happy in London but I wish you were back with us. Things aren’t the same here, it’s not as fun and it’s like a piece of us is missing. Everyone at school misses you, even Big Mandy said she was sorry to see you go and Big Mandy hates everyone. Thanks so much for the presents you sent us. I’ll definitely use that notebook to write my first best selling novel and I’ll dedicate it to all the Derry Girls and Boy. Orla loved her fudge and ate it all in one go. Granda managed to get a piece and said quote: ‘it was good considering it was made by English pricks.’ _

_ Mammy’s reading this over my shoulder and she says I have to thank you for the present for her and Anna. Anna won’t let anyone else touch the teddy because she knows its from you and Ma says the tea you got is only going to be for the visitors; which in case you forgotten, is Derry Speak for she loves it. We all really, really miss you in Derry and if you want to come back, we’re happy to welcome you back. _

_ Write to us soon, _

_ Erin x _

James smiled as he imagined Erin sitting at her kitchen table writing the letter. He could almost hear Mary’s voice as he pictured her ordering Erin to include her thanks in the letter. James set it aside and reached for the last one. He wondered what Michelle was going to say and he braced himself for the onslaught.

_ Dickface _

_ I still can’t believe you fucked off to London. I know Kathy’s your ma but I still think you made a massive mistake. That said, and Erin if you’re reading this, I swear to God I’ll kill you and make it look like an accident.  _

_ That being said, I miss having you around. You’re not just my cousin, you’re my friend and I mean it, you are a Derry Girl. When, not if, Kathy lets you down, remember that. You’re one of us and a Derry Girl doesn’t take shit from anyone. _

_ See you, _

_ Michelle _

James set the letter aside before he reread it. He knew that Michelle hated talking or even thinking about her feelings and for her to admit that she missed him, showed him just how much his leaving had affected her. James couldn’t help but once again wish that he was back in Derry with them. That was where he really belonged; with his friends, having a laugh, causing trouble and being a Derry Girl. 

But he had made his choice and his mum did need him. Not just for helping her with the business but because she was on her own now. They had no family in London apart from each other. As much as he wanted to pick up the phone and call his aunt or any of the girls; it would be free after 6pm of course, he found that his pride still got in the way.

He knew it was pigheaded and that admitting to his family and friends that he missed them wasn’t the same as admitting how much he wished he was back in Derry. However James knew that once he opened that floodgate, it would be impossible to shut again and he just wasn’t ready to do that yet. James glanced at his watch and knew that he would be on his own for dinner again. At least he was getting better at making a variety of toasted sandwich fillings. 

After he had eaten and finished his homework, James went into his bedroom. Just as he closed the door, he heard Kathy come in the front door. By the sound of muffled voices, he knew that once again, she had brought someone home with her. James let his head fall against the door with a thunk. Typical. 

“What was that?” The unfamiliar male voice asked.

“Oh it was probably just my flatmate,” Kathy dismissed with a laugh. It was that final word, eight letters that seared into James’ brain and forced him to make a decision. Flatmate. Not her son. Not her baby. Not her ‘big, handsome boy’. Her flatmate. A random person to live with and help pay the bills. That was all he was to her. All he ever had been to her. Just a person to use and discard when she no longer needed him. Well, now he no longer needed her. 

James swiped a hand across his eyes and pulled a book from his schoolbag. He yanked out a page and sat down at his desk. This wasn’t something he could do recklessly. This was going to take planning, preparation, money and time. However he knew he was going to do it. 

He was going back to Derry. 


	4. The Plan

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was interesting to write and I really had to resist writing James saying a variation of 'A Girl is Arya Stark and I'm going home' from Game of Thrones. Hope you like it.

James reread his list for the tenth time in the last hour as he listened to the mixtape that Michelle had made for his birthday. One song that seemed to really speak to him, more than it had before, was one he rewound and played again and again. _Never Forget_ by Take That. He used to love it as it made him think of London, now however the lyrics had new meaning. For him, it was about remembering Derry and getting back there. James looked at the list as he rewound the tape again. He knew that unlike Kathy; he couldn’t do things rashly. As much as he wanted to go back to Derry; there was a lot to consider. James looked at the list and tapped his pen against the page, wondering if he had missed something.

_Return to Derry - Pros vs Cons_

_Pros:_

  * _The girls_


  * _Aunt Deirdre and Uncle Martin_


  * _The Quinns_


  * _Being able to feel happy_


  * _Being an actual Derry Girl_


  * _Clare’s smile_


  * _Orla and Sarah’s stories_


  * _Michelle being herself._


  * _Erin_
  * _Having people who care about me_



_Cons:_

  * _Getting my head kicked in for being English_


  * _Going back to an all-girls school_


  * _Being ‘the wee English fella’_


  * _The food_


  * _Jenny Joyce’s singing_


  * _Michelle knowing she was right_
  * _Mum - disowned?_



James examined his list and although the cons were admittedly serious ones to consider, especially the ones in relation to his physical safety but he knew in his heart that the pros outweighed the cons. One way or another, he was going to find his way back to Derry. James reached for his notebook and tore out another page in order to write out another list.

_Things to sort to get back to Derry_

  * _Place to live - Aunt Deirdre? Own place?_


  * _If own place - rent money? Need job._


  * _School - stay and do GCSES or try to get back before? Also go back to Our Lady’s?_


  * _Telling Mum - wait until all sorted. NO GOING BACK_
  * _The Girls - tell them or wait?_



James examined his checklist. It looked quite basic but he knew there was a lot to consider with each one. The concrete things he knew was that now that he was sixteen; legally he could move out and he could at least earn minimum wage at a proper job, not a cash in hand one. He could start to look for a job after Christmas, even if it was somewhere like McDonalds, he could be earning his own money and if he saved up enough, he could pay for his plane ticket and put a deposit down for a place to live.

James knew it would be better for him to wait, as tempting as it was to try and ring Aunt Deirdre and beg her to take him home to Derry. Besides, she didn’t have a phone. It would also help him if he got his GCSES in London, he had changed schools too many times as it was and if he didn’t get his qualifications then he would be sunk. James sighed and ran a hand through his hair. What he needed was to speak to someone, an adult, an adult who cared about him. 

And where was he going to find one of them?

The sound of the front door slamming made him look up and James peered around his bedroom door. The flat was in darkness and as he flicked on a light, he saw that Kathy’s door was ajar. James listened carefully, dreading what he might hear but all he heard was silence. Kathy and her random man had clearly gone out. James walked towards the cordless phone and picked it up. It was eight in the evening but the need to reach out and speak to someone was too overpowering. James picked up the cordless and dialled the number before he could stop himself.

For a few seconds the dial tone rang before it was finally picked up. James thanked his rare case of luck as the voice of the person he wanted to speak to answered the phone. It would have been even more awkward if someone else had answered. Because then he would have to explain why he was calling and why he wanted to speak to that particular person as opposed to who they thought he'd want to speak to and that was even if they didn't hang up the second they heard his voice.

“Hello?” Mary said as she held the phone to her shoulder. 

“Hi, Mrs Quinn, it’s James.” James said quietly. 

Mary frowned at the handset. She had to have misheard; there was no way James was on the phone. Erin was blasting her music and Joe and Gerry were bickering over Eastenders. Mary pressed the handset against her shoulder and raised her voice. “Erin turn it down! Gerry, Da, I’m on the phone!”

The music began fractionally quieter and Gerry shut the door to the hall. Mary knew it was as quiet as it would get and put the handset back to her ear. “Sorry, who is it?”

“It’s James, Mrs Quinn.” James said, a little louder. He had forgotten how loud Erin’s house could be.

“Oh James Love, how are ya? Do you want to speak to Erin?” Mary asked, it was good to hear from him. It was such a shame that such a lovely boy had Kathy McGuire as his mother. She was worried about him being back over in London; if the girls were devastated, she could only imagine how he felt.

“Actually Mrs Quinn, I wanted to speak to you.” James admitted and Mary sat down next to the phone table. 

Something told her she would miss Eastenders tonight. 

“He wants to come back?” Deirdre asked as she and Mary sat at the kitchen table. When Mary had called around, she was expecting that Michelle had left something at Erin’s or had caused some sort of trouble. She didn’t expect Mary to tell her that James had phoned her last night explaining that he wanted to come back to Derry. She hadn’t heard a word from Kathy and aside from the Christmas present, not a thing from James. 

“That’s what he said. Look, she’s your sister but-” Mary began and Deirdre cut across her.

“There’s nothing you can say about our Kathy that I’ve not said a million times before.” Deirdre reminded, especially over the past few weeks. 

“Well, it sounds like she’s not changed a bit. James said that she’s never around, usually on so called business dinners or on dates. And that last night, she referred to him as her ‘flatmate’ to her latest fancy man.” Mary explained, it had been so hard listening to James unburden his heart on her. Any mother would be proud to have him as their son and he didn’t deserve to have Kathy as his. 

“Fuck,” Deirdre swore softly. She knew Kathy was selfish but she never thought she’d dismiss James so easily. Kathy might have been able to twist and justify dumping him in Derry as some form of needing to focus on herself and getting her life together after the divorce but saying something like that when she knew James was in earshot… “And he told you this?”

“He did. He’s got it all planned out. Poor wee critter is even willing to stay there until he gets his exams and getting a job so he can rent somewhere if he can’t stay with you.” Mary explained; if she had the space at her’s, she’d take him in a heartbeat but with Joe sleeping in Anna’s room and Erin needing her own room; there was no space for James. Unless he slept on the sofa. Well, if that’s what they had to do to get James back to Derry, so be it.

“Of course he would be able to stay here. It’s his home.” Deirdre explained as she realised what Mary wasn’t telling her. James was afraid that he wouldn’t be welcome in her home; that she would see him as having sided with Kathy. Kathy. It all came back to Kathy. She swore to God, the next time she saw her sister, she would throttle her. 

“I’m just passing on what he said.” Mary explained. “I swear Deirdre, it would break your heart to have heard him.”

“I can imagine, did you get his new number?” Deirdre asked and Mary rummaged in her handbag. She had had enough sense to ask James for the number before the call ended. Mary passed the number over to Deirdre who jotted it down in her own address book. So much for getting rid of the phone. 

Over the next few months, James’ plan to return to Derry began to come together. It felt like he was living a double life; on the one hand he was the dutiful, well-behaved son; going to school, helping Kathy package and post her orders, not saying anything about the number of ‘business dinners’ she had, especially the ones that lasted all night. 

On the other, he was spending every free moment, planning his return to Derry. It was why he was studying hard to get good exam results, to help him get into college or back into Our Lady’s. He needed a minimum of 6 C’s and at least B’s in the subjects he wanted to take; French, History and Business Studies. As soon as Christmas was over, James had applied for any job that was hiring and had gotten a job in a local supermarket. The pay wasn’t great and he was basically refilling fridges and shelves but it gave him a bit more independence and money to save up. James had also spoken to Deirdre and together they had worked out a plan. He would return to Derry after his final exam, Deirdre had offered to come to London to collect him but James wanted to pay his own way and fly back to Derry. They agreed that it was better for him to finish his GCSE year in London and they agreed to arrange a date for him to travel as soon as he got his exam timetable to ensure he wouldn’t miss an exam. 

As he planned everything; James made one conscientious decision. Aside from Aunt Deirdre, Uncle Martin and Mary Quinn; no one else knew about his plan to return to Derry. He wanted to surprise the girls when he arrived so in his letters and phone calls; James never mentioned it. There were times when the girls joked about him coming back and he had had to bite his tongue but he managed to keep it a surprise. James also didn’t want to tell Kathy until everything was finalised and there was no way she could stop him or kick him out. As much as James liked to think his mother wouldn’t kick him out of his home; after everything else Kathy had done, he couldn’t risk it.

Time seemed to both slow down and speed up as June approached. James’ exams finished on the twentieth of June and as his school operated under the format of Study Leave for the exam period; once his last exam was over; James could leave school and not have to return. His flight was booked for the twenty first. Heathrow to Belfast via British Airways. He had already changed his address with his bank to Aunt Deirdre’s so that Kathy wouldn’t be sent statements. He also spoke with his school; claiming that they were moving back to Ireland so his results would need to be sent to Derry, not the flat. He had handed his notice at his job; citing the exams as his reason and when he wasn’t studying, he was organising his things and packing. 

Most of what he was taking fit into his large suitcase and his essentials were to be put into his schoolbag. Things like his passport, ticket, wallet and Walkman. James looked around his room and pulled open the drawer on his dresser. Inside was a box containing the trinkets he had initially taken back from Derry.

His rainbow pin badges. A strip of photos from a photo booth in the shopping centre of all of them pulling faces. His ticket from the Take That concert. A green and gold twisted braid from when the senior girls’ camogie team got to the Ulster Final and the whole school went to watch.; little reminders and mementos from his time in Derry. James put these items in with his luggage and pinned one of the rainbow badges into the jacket he was going to wear on the date of the flight.

Finally the day came. James woke early and double checked everything was packed and ready to go. His case and bag were packed and James double checked his bag. Wallet. Walkman. Passport. Ticket. James could hear Kathy in the kitchen and took a deep breath. It was now or never. James left his bedroom and walked into the kitchen. 

“Morning James,” Kathy said as she poured her coffee. “Will you be helping me with work today, now that you’re not at the supermarket and your exams are done?”

“No,” James said and Kathy gave him a sharp look that she tried to mask with a smile.

“Why not?” Kathy asked and James took a deep breath. 

“I’m going back to Derry.” James admitted and Kathy laughed sardonically. 

“Of course you are, now tell me the truth.” Kathy said and James looked at her seriously.

“I am Mum. I’m going back to Derry. I don’t belong here.” James explained as Kathy set her mug down on the table.

“Of course you belong here. Besides, how are you getting back to Derry?” Kathy asked skeptically. 

“My flight’s at half one. This has been sorted for months. I’m going back to Derry and I’m staying at Aunt Deirdre’s.” James explained and Kathy laughed coldly.

“Oh of course, my perfect sister’s convinced you to go back to that hell hole! You’re not going James! It’s not safe!” Kathy retorted and James felt a flicker of anger flare up in him. All the feelings and thoughts he had suppressed for months, no, _years_ , welled up inside of him.

“You didn’t care about that when you abandoned me there!” James retorted.

“I had to, I needed to get my life together.” Kathy protested. “You’re my son James, you belong with me.”

“No I don’t. Besides, I’m not your son, I’m your flatmate, remember?” James challenged and Kathy looked at him, puzzled.

“What are you talking about?” Kathy asked and James shook his head. The straw that broke his back, the final factor that influenced his decision to return to Derry; and she had no idea what he was talking about.

“I heard you call me that; when one of your men was around. I hit the door and you claimed I was your flatmate! I’d been back for two weeks Mum! Two weeks! But you never wanted me in the first place, did you?” James challenged as Kathy went pale and opened her mouth. “Don’t lie to me! Michelle told me about how you wanted to abort me!”

“And I’m glad I didn’t, I love you James. I never meant to say that.” Kathy said and James shook his head.

“Yes you did. You don’t love me, you only love yourself. You know, Michelle warned me about you. She told me not to come back, that you’d let me down. And she was right. I don’t belong here. I don’t belong with you. I’m going back to Derry.” James insisted.

“No you’re not! I am your mother! You can’t just leave!” Kathy argued.

“Yes I can! I’m sixteen Mum! Why do you think I’ve been working? I’ve saved up enough for this. It’s all I thought about for the past six months. Didn’t you wonder why all those Northern Ireland numbers were on the phone bill? Don’t worry, I called when it was free, didn’t want to inconvenience you. I’m going and when I’m gone, don’t expect to hear from me again.” James said as he turned and walked into his room. He could hear Kathy raging and crying as he locked his door and double checked his bag for the final time. James pulled his schoolbag onto his back and pulled up the handles on his suitcases.

“Goodbye Mum,” James said as he walked to the door.

“James, if you walk out that door, don’t expect to come back.” Kathy said furiously. James looked at her and set his keys down next to the door. 

“I won’t.” James replied as he walked out the door, wheeling his case behind him. 

James walked out of the building and down the street toward the train station. It would be a long day of travelling and he had hours to go until his flight. But he had money to stop somewhere and get breakfast and he could pass the time in the airport. Despite the difficult confrontation with Kathy, James couldn’t keep the smile from his face or the slight spring out of his step or the excitement that built with every second. 

He was going back to Derry.

He was going home.


	5. Home At Last

James lugged his suitcase off the baggage carousel and wheeled it towards the arrivals gate. His stomach bounced with excitement as the doors slid back and he stepped into the arrivals lounge. James looked across the crowds of waiting friends and relatives; some armed with signs, others leaning against the barrier. He looked through the crowd and spotted Deirdre standing to the left of the crowd. 

“James,” Deirdre called as he wheeled his case towards her. She opened his arms and James hugged her tightly. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too Aunt Deirdre; thanks for everything.” James said. “Kathy didn’t take it well.”

“I’m not surprised but it’s good you’re here. Come on, let’s get out of here before the traffic comes.” Deirdre replied as they walked out of the airport. “I tell you, it’s been some job keeping this from Michelle and the girls.”

“I can’t wait to see them,” James beamed as they got into the car and joined the traffic to get out of the airport. When he first came to Northern Ireland, he hated everything about it, now however, he made sure to take in everything. Sure, there were still signs of the conflict, sectarian murals in both Catholic and Protestant areas, remarks on the radio about possible rising tensions but it still felt a lot more like home than London had. There was another hour and a half until they got to Derry but he knew the time would fly.

“You are not going to believe this.” Michelle announced as she appeared in the back garden of Erin’s house. Orla was pushing Anna on the swing as Erin and Clare looked up. Clare was reading and Erin was attempting to get a tan. Sure, they weren’t exactly going to Barbados but she wanted to be ready for Bundoran on the Twelfth. 

“What?” Erin asked as she propped herself up on her elbows. 

“Kathy rang this morning. She was going ballistic, claiming that James was coming back to Derry.” Michelle explained. As if James was coming back. He had left Derry months ago and no matter how many times they had suggested it, James had told him that he wouldn’t be coming back. 

“Seriously?” Clare asked, confused as Michelle sat on the ground next to them. 

“Yeah, she sounded mental. I asked her if she’d been drinking and she told me it was all my fault. So I hung up on the crazy bitch.” Michelle said. James had probably told her that he wanted to move out and she took it the wrong way. Well good, Kathy deserved everything she got. 

“What did your mum say?” Erin asked as Orla lifted Anna out of the swing and Anna toddled over to them. 

“Erin, lolly?” Anna asked.

“In a minute,” Erin replied. “Well?”

“She’s been working all day. Anyway who cares, we need to get ready for tonight.” Michelle insisted. Their exams were finally over and they were going to the underage disco tonight. Until the ceasefire, none of them had been allowed to go to the disco and they knew it would be full of music, boys and good craic. 

“It’s not for hours,” Clare advised as Michelle grinned. 

“Plenty of time to drink.” Michelle quipped as Anna tugged on Erin’s arm again.

“Erin! I wanna Lolly!” Anna insisted as Erin rolled her eyes. 

“Alright, come on then.” Erin said as she hoisted Anna into her arms and carried her inside. The others followed and walked into the weekly Friday night about where they would get food from. Joe was insistent that they could still get something from Fionnuala and was scolding Gerry for daring to argue. 

“Get out of that freezer!” Mary snapped as Erin pulled an ice pop from the freezer. 

“It’s for Anna,” Erin explained as Orla took it and removed the top and handed it back to Anna. “Can we get Chinese?”

“We’ll see,” Mary replied as Erin rolled her eyes. “Don’t roll your eyes at me! You don’t have to go to that disco tonight.”

“Mammy!” Erin protested as Michelle tugged her arm. They had a plan to do the slut run tonight, get as many lads as they could and Michelle was not doing it alone. “I’ll be happy with whatever.”

“Yes you will.” Mary replied as the girls went upstairs. Once Erin’s door slammed shut and her tape player kicked into life, Mary turned to Sarah, Gerry and Joe. “Right listen up,”

“What do you think of this?” Clare asked as she examined her reflection. “Does it look too tight?”

“You look good, we’ll find a wee lesbian for you.” Michelle said as she sprayed a liberal amount of hairspray on her hair. Clare blushed sightly as she pulled the top off and tugged her t-shirt back on. There was no point getting changed until after they ate. 

“GIRLS! GET DOWN HERE!” Mary called up the stairs. Erin glanced at her watch and frowned. There was no way the food would be here already. 

“What did we do now?” Clare asked and Michelle shrugged her shoulders. Even she didn’t want to risk not going on a night out. 

“Maybe Anna wants another ice pop?” Orla suggested as Mary’s voice sounded again.

“GIRLS! GET DOWN HERE NOW!” Mary called and Erin rolled her eyes and set down her mascara. 

“Let’s just see what she wants.” Erin sighed as they walked down the stairs. As they reached the hall, a wondrously familiar smell hit their nostrils. Chips. Chips from Fionnuala’s. Erin pushed open the living room door and found Gerry pulling items from three large paper bags. 

“How’d you get food from Fionnuala’s?” Michelle asked as Deirdre looked up. “Ma?”

“We thought we’d bring you all dinner, you all worked so hard on your exams.” Deirdre explained as Orla looked at Sarah puzzled.

“Why do you have a video camera? Are we going to be on You’ve Been Framed?” Orla asked as the girls noticed the camera Sarah was holding. All of the adults were exchanging a weirdly knowing smile and the girls knew instantly that the adults knew something that they didn’t.

“It’s for the surprise,” Sarah replied and Erin raised an eyebrow.

“You’re filming that Deirdre brought us food from Fionnuala's as a surprise?” Erin asked, it was official. Her family were absolutely insane. As soon as she was 18, she was getting proof that she was adopted and tracking down her birth parents. She couldn’t have been born into a family of lunatics. 

“Not that surprise, the other surprise.” Mary said cryptically as behind them, a figure moved into the archway that separated the living room from the kitchen, standing just behind the girls.

“What surprise?” Clare asked worriedly as the girls exchanged a look. Before anyone could say anything; the voice they wanted to hear and never thought they would hear in Derry again spoke.

“This surprise.”

For a split second, the girls didn’t move before they turned and faced the grinning young man standing in the archway. He hadn’t changed a bit; same green eyes, curly dark hair and bright smile. He was dressed in jeans, t-shirt and denim jacket with the rainbow pin next to the zip. His grin widened as he realised he had managed to stun all of them, even Michelle into silence. 

“Hi girls,” James beamed as the girls' minds caught up with the reality of the situation before them.

James.

James was here.

James was here in Derry.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” Michelle screamed as Orla leapt forward and hugged James as tightly as she could.

“IT’S REALLY JAMES!” Orla bellowed as she hugged him tightly. He was really here, not imaginary at all. 

“OH MY GOD!” Clare and Erin screamed in unison as the two of them and Michelle rushed forward to hug James. James staggered a bit before he adjusted to the force of four sudden tackle-hugs. For a few minutes they stood in a mass of hugs, tears, questions and laughter. Finally they let him go and Michelle punched him on the arm. Hard.

“Ow! I missed you too Michelle.” James quipped as he rubbed his arm.

“What are you doing here?” Clare asked. “I thought you’d gone back to London forever.”

“To be honest, I wanted to come back since I left. You were right about Kathy, Michelle. Things hadn’t changed a bit so I decided to come back.” James explained. The girls noted the fact that he didn’t call her ‘Mum’.

“Just like that?” Erin asked. 

“Actually, it took a lot of planning. Aunt Deirdre and your mum helped me to organise everything. I got my job to pay for my plane ticket and I’m staying in Derry. For good.” James explained as he rubbed the back of his head. “Kathy wasn’t pleased when she found out this morning.”

“So that’s why she rang going ballistic. I thought she was on acid.” Michelle said; recalling the earlier phone call. “Wait, so our mas knew this whole time? Why didn't you tell us?”

“I wanted it to be a surprise. You guys were right. I am a Derry Girl.” James said as he wiped his eyes. There would be time to retell the whole story later. Right now, he was cherishing the fact that he was finally back where he really belonged. He was a Derry Girl and he was finally home. 


End file.
